


Friends with (health) benefits

by ivyness



Series: AU Yeah August 2018 [25]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Health Benefits, au yeah august
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 16:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyness/pseuds/ivyness
Summary: Harley makes a trade





	Friends with (health) benefits

“You know you’re not actually a plant right? You need more than water and sunlight and air,” Harley said as she idly juggled some test tubes. “Food is important too ya know. Can’t just live on dead stuff.”

“Harley, what the hell are you talking about?” asked Ivy, without looking up from her microscope. Ivy’s dirt-streaked hand moving steadily as she took cramped, messy notes and Harley briefly weighed the odds of getting stabbed if she stole Ivy’s pen; the odds were not in her favor.

“Dead stuff! You know fertilizer,” Harley said, shrugging and sent each test tube sailing to clink neatly into a test tube rack.

Ivy didn’t budge. “That is not how fertilizer works.”

“Of course that’s how it works! I got myself a PhD you know,” Harley said, wagging her finger and grinning when Ivy’s lips twitched minutely. “Worms and stuff. Eat a bunch of dead stuff and shitting it out and then greens eat it and fart it out and then you eat it. Or well you don’t eat it. Fertilizer. That’s bad for people. Not people food. And you are still a people and it’s very important for people to get lots of water and vitamins and minerals and healthy foods and stuff and not fertilizer”

Ivy huffed and leaned back from her work, trying hard not to smile. “Harley, dear, you have a PhD in psychology. Also, I don’t eat fertilizer what are you even talking about?”

Harley smiled and looped her arms around Ivy’s shoulders, rubbing her check against Ivy’s soft red hair, and pushed her breasts affectionately against Ivy’s head. “Oh you don’t? Thank goodness. There are hardly any restaurants that’ll serve fertilizer. And there's a lot of things a gal will do for date night but going to Home Depot is not one of ‘em.”

Ivy laughed and pushed back into her embrace, pulling Harley’s arms tighter around her. “If not to Home Depot where are we going to go for dinner?”

Harley grinned, happy and affectionate, “Let’s go to iHop! You can buy me pancakes.”

“Weren’t you just scolding me about eating healthy?”

“Well, yeah, but for you, not me. I think I’d die if I had to eat as many vegetables as you do.” Harley said and laughed as Ivy swatted at her arm.

“Oh my gosh, shut up.” Ivy laughed and pushed herself up from her desk. She took Harley’s hand and tugged gently. “Come on. My garden has some fresh peppers and lettuce and mushrooms. I’ll make you up a nice salad.”

Harley groaned dramatically in despair, “I don’t know whether I want to kill you or kiss you.”

With a grin, Ivy reeled Harley in close and slid her other hand around her waist. “Kisses, please,” and pecked Harley’s pouting face on the nose. “We’ll stop by Whole Foods and grab you some tofu, Dr. Quinzel.”

Harley couldn’t help but grin and moved in for a real kiss, “You sure know how to treat a gal, Dr. Isley,” and let herself be towed into the garden.

Harley smiled to herself. Score one for Harley and zero for ‘Ivy getting caught up in another end-the-world-and-all-of-humanity-villain scheme’. She wouldn’t let Ivy go down that rabbit hole again, and all it took was giving up her bad eating habits. Not a bad trade, Harley thought as she watched Ivy coo adorably over her plants, not a bad trade at all.


End file.
